How to Know When It’s Time to Change Therapists

Therapy is a relationship. And like any relationship, sometimes it runs its course.

You might not want to admit it. After all, your therapist helped you through some hard times. You’ve built trust. You’ve put in time. But lately… something’s missing.

You’re not growing. You’re not challenged. You don’t feel connected. And now you’re wondering: is it me? Or is it time to move on?

Here’s the truth: outgrowing a therapist doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working. It just means your needs have shifted—and that’s okay.

Finding a therapist is hard enough, and breaking up with one can be even harder. In 2023,

"More than half of respondents (56%) reported having no openings for new patients, and the same number (56%) also reported not maintaining a waitlist" (APA).

As personal as it is, therapy is also a professional service. You’re paying for an hour of therapy to support your goals, not to maintain a bond that no longer serves you. A good match should feel collaborative and purposeful—even if it’s sometimes a bit awkward. When that alignment fades, considering a change is an opportunity for growth, not a failure.

So, how do you end a relationship with a therapist?

Here's a quick checklist, so you can feel sure.

Signs It Might Be Time for a Change

1. You’re not making progress.

Week after week, it feels like you’re venting, but not getting to the root. You leave therapy sessions feeling drained or stuck instead of lighter or clearer.

Check your notes or memory against your goals. Have your interventions or homework shifted lately? If not, ask your current therapist to recalibrate—new structure, different exercises, or a clearer outcome metric. If no change comes, you know it's time to go.

2. You don’t feel fully seen.

Maybe your therapist doesn’t “get” a part of your identity, lived experience, or culture. Or maybe you censor yourself because you’re unsure how they’ll respond. Therapy should be a place where you can be fully yourself, and the patient–therapist relationship should support your growth.

If you avoid sharing personal details of your story because you feel misunderstood, your work will stop progressing. Feeling “known” is not a luxury; it’s foundational to becoming an effective patient and getting results.

3. You’re avoiding certain topics.

If you keep certain topics off limits on purpose because you don't feel safe, understood, or supported, it shows the relationship is not helping you grow. Sometimes these dynamics can mirror old relationship patterns in your life, which makes it even more important to address them.

Bring one avoided topic in a low-stakes way (“I’m not ready for details, but this area needs attention”). If the response doesn’t help increase safety, then you know.

4. The vibe is off.

You feel like your therapist is zoning out, giving generic advice, or just isn’t emotionally present anymore. Maybe the spark is gone. You’re going through the motions. That matters.

And it’s worth remembering that even a licensed mental health professional, perfect on paper, may not be the right fit for you.

Therapists have intensive training, but chemistry still matters. If your sessions repeatedly leave you with feelings of sadness or confusion—and not because you opened something difficult—consider a reset.

5. You’ve changed, but the work hasn’t.

You’ve grown. Your therapy goals have shifted. But the sessions feel stuck in the past. Modalities that helped stabilize a mental health crisis may not be the same ones that help you build skills for your next chapter.

Your therapist may be great—but not for where you are right now.

How to Check In With Yourself

• What do I want out of therapy right now?
• What’s missing?
• Have I communicated my needs and concerns?

Then, if you feel safe doing so, bring it up in session. A skilled therapist will appreciate the honesty and be open to adjusting—or help you transition with care. If you ever feel a therapist has acted unethically, you can also contact your state licensing board for guidance.

Script to start the conversation (use verbatim if helpful):

“I’d like to spend today reviewing goals and deciding whether to adjust our approach or plan a transition. Here’s what I need more of, and here’s what isn’t working.”

Naming this at the top of the session centers your needs and sets a productive tone.

If you’re in an active mental health crisis, prioritize continuity of care. Ask your current therapist for a brief bridge plan and referrals before you pause or switch.

It’s Not a Breakup. It’s a Transition.

Sometimes the fear of “starting over” keeps us in therapy that no longer works. But switching therapists isn’t failure. It’s a powerful act of self-awareness.

You are allowed to want more. More depth. More understanding. More growth. And you’re allowed to look for someone who can offer that.

Consider a soft landing: one “closing” session with your current provider and one “intake” with a new clinician during the same week. Yes, it can feel a bit awkward, but this overlap protects momentum and reduces the whiplash of change.

You Deserve the Right Fit

Therapy should feel like a partnership, not an obligation. The right therapist doesn’t fix you—they walk beside you, challenge you, support you, and evolve with you.

Ultimately, there is no perfect script. But remember that you don't owe your therapist “a proper goodbye.” If all these tips feel too daunting, you might only feel safe enough to send an email. And that’s okay.

So if something in your gut says it’s time for a change… listen. You’re not being dramatic. You’re being honest.

And that’s exactly what therapy is for.

Quick signs a new fit might help:

• You’re ready to move from insight to action
• You want a different modality (e.g., skills-forward CBT/DBT or trauma-focused EMDR)
• Logistics—location, schedule, telehealth—make engagement harder than it should be.

Need help finding a therapist who fits where you are now?

Explore The Mindful Network’s guide to choosing a therapist, or search our directory to filter by specialty, approach, and more.

You’ve done hard things before. You can do this too.

Key Takeaways & Quick Resources:

Practical Transition Checklist

• Clarify goals (10 minutes). What do you want next—symptom relief, relationship skills, or deeper trauma work? This frames your search as an opportunity for growth.
• Request a treatment summary. Ask your current therapist for a brief write-up: presenting concerns, progress, and active strategies. This spares you from retelling intimate details and speeds the hand-off.
• Collect referrals. Request 2–3 names that match your goals, identity needs, insurance, or schedule.
• Plan an overlap. If possible, schedule a final review with your current provider and a first session with the new one within the same week.
• Set expectations. At the new intake, state what worked, what didn’t, and how you measure progress (journaling, sleep, panic frequency, fewer feelings of sadness, better family conflict skills).
• Mind the logistics. Confirm session length, fees, modality, telehealth options, and cancellation policy so your next hour of therapy reduces friction.
• Honor the ending. Even when you’re ready, endings can stir grief. Plan support (movement, journaling, a call with a friend) after your final session.

Quick language for closing

• “I’m grateful for our work and ready for a different approach.”
• “My needs have shifted. Could we focus today on next steps and referrals?”
• “I’d like a brief treatment summary to share with my next provider.”

If You’re Not Ready to Switch (Yet)

• Ask for a 2–3 session “reset” focused on specific outcomes.
• Try a new structure (agenda at the top, skills practice, end-of-session action steps).

Name one tough topic you’ve avoided and request a slower pace and more choice. If things still don’t shift, you have clarity—and permission—to move on.